I climbed the stairs, scared to face her. I should have waited at the bottom of the stairs until the bell rang and made sure the teacher was in class before me, so I wouldn’t have to face her right away.
But I got there before the bell rang, and found her waiting for me outside the classroom, looking at me with steady eyes. I approached her, my head lowered, as if I’d done something I ought to be ashamed of.
I stood next to her by the railings in the passageway.
She turned her face to the open grounds, then after some silence, said:
“Listen, I know they may have forced you, and of course I am upset with you, but I’ll forgive you.”
“I’m sorry, Samiha,” I said. “It wasn’t right to hide things from you.”
We were both silent again. Even though we had made up, I could feel a great barrier between us.
How could I talk to her about the party? And how could I not tell her about the most beautiful and important day I’d ever had since arriving at this school, or about how happy I was, and about my new friends and how they accepted me?
I was suddenly startled by Noura, who approached me and gave me a hug.
“Will you play handball with us today?”
“Sure,” I said.
When Noura left us and entered the classroom, Samiha turned to me and shook her head in disdain.
“You’re a hopeless case,” she said.
Angrily I responded, “What’s wrong with you, Samiha! Are you gonna stop me from talking to, or hanging out with anyone but you?”
“No, but why didn’t you suggest I join, for example? Didn’t we decide that I would be a part of the group?”
I evaded the question and entered the classroom in silence. I knew they wouldn’t approve of her. I didn’t know what to tell her without hurting her feelings. There was nothing to say.
***
When the bell rang for break, I hesitantly rose to join the girls, and heard Samiha behind me mumbling brokenly, “You’re leaving?”
I stood still and looked at her, not knowing what to say, so she spoke, holding back tears I wasn’t used to seeing her shed, “Don’t you care at all that you are leaving me alone?”
“No, Samiha,” I replied truthfully. “I do care. Come join us.”
I secretly hoped she would refuse, but she rose and came along, dragging her feet behind her, her steps as heavy as an old woman’s. I knew she disliked handball; in fact, she disliked sports in general. I was angry at her, myself, and the whole situation. But I remained silent.
When we reached the court, the girls asked why Samiha was there.
“We can have a sixth member to play with us so that we are two teams of three players each, instead of two players.”
“No. You two play. We’ll go play basketball,” Camellia said, as she dragged Judy and Noura out of the court.
I found myself with Samiha in the middle of the court, staring at nothing.
Samiha looked at me and said, “Are these the friends you wished to leave me for?”
“Come on,” I said, trying to control my anger and tears. “Let’s go to the cafeteria.”
On the way there, Samiha tried to talk about many things. She seemed happy that she could distance me from the other girls, as if she had won this round.
“Tell me, what’s your latest news with Hamza?”
“The usual. What do you mean?”
“Nothing. Maybe because, for the first time ever, I know how you feel— I can’t stop thinking about Tarek. Yesterday, we went to the library and talked for over an hour.”
“Nice.”
Silence.
Then she asked: “What do you think of his looks?”
“Whose looks?”
“Tarek, who else?”
“Okay.”
“Okay? Is that all you have to say?”
I looked at her but didn’t respond.
“Look!” She said, lifting her sleeve to show me four new bracelets. “See what I bought yesterday?”
“Nice.” I wasn’t even able to smile.
I looked into the distance.
She tried and tried to restore our friendship, but I felt as though I were drowning, and no one could save me from this heavy burden.
