You ask to see me,
and there you are again,
in the same olive-green jacket-
the color of the only home you’ve ever known.
I sit and try to ignore the noise and light
seeping in from under the door.
You light your hourly cigarette.
You say it clears your head,
I say it makes mine ache-
before long,
we are right back where we started.
What do I say to you after all this?
I tell you my story the way I like to remember it.
A brand-new headache begins,
but today, it is completely justified.
The cloud of smoke hangs over us,
carrying whatever snippets of conversation it could catch.
As a conclusion,
we decide this is what we have in common:
The turning
and searching
and waiting-
all different varieties of waiting.
The same apology
hung at half-mast,
and the girl with the big eyes;
the name of new beginnings,
cross-stitched on your heart.
Before all this,
before our centers of gravity
got knocked out of place like billiard balls,
we tiptoed around each other swiftly,
slowly, endlessly,
careful not to break the glass.
I thought for a second that I may be the next one
caught in your crosshairs,
but all I am is this:
the only person who could ever comprehend
the state of your mind;
sticky with hope, clinging onto anything more than ephemeral.
Still, I decide I might just let you ash your cigarette
over all the rest of my days.
I sit with you until my headache is too much to bear,
and then a little bit longer.
You’re looking at your laptop screen,
at your hands, your side of the table,
anywhere but at me,
but I know what you’re thinking.
There is always
always
always hope.
Look at us now;
we are still undoing our knots,
each with trembling fingers,
but in this smoky haze,
there is a different kind of peace.
Shirin Abedinirad, Collective Reflection, 2022. Installation, Trabzon, Türkiye. Presented in a solo exhibition at Trabzon Girls Monastery and curated by Ayça Okay, the work draws on Rumi’s mirror imagery — “whatever you’re looking for can only be found / inside of you” — and the symmetry of Islamic art to bring the sky down to earth, inviting viewers into a transformative encounter with reflection, inner beauty, and the spiritual possibilities of looking beyond the self. Artwork courtesy of featured artist Shirin Abedinirad.
